Friday, June 28, 2013

Missing My Missus

It's been a little while since I've posted. I wonder if anyone is still following me? I just was having a couple of thoughts and it's going to be a day or two before I get near anyone I can talk to.

My Missus is the type that doesn't want to go anywhere. She likes it at home. Not that she doesn't get tired of being cooped up with the short people but her idea of getting out is going to the library or finding some knitters to hang with for an afternoon, not world travel.

So when she spoke up one day and said that she wanted to go on a church mission trip to Lebanon to help Syrian refugees I figured God was in it and I had better go along with it. It was so far outside of her normal range of things that she would ever want to do that it had to be. Two other things contributed to making it OK. She had been sad for the Syrians for months every time she saw anything about them in the news, and I felt no panic. So there you go.

I'm a worrier though. So I kind of had to blank it out in the weeks leading up to the trip. That was a little hard on her because of course she wanted to talk about it. So as fund raising and planning was going on I was pretty distant about it. I owe her an apology for that. Even at the moment of departure I was pretty collected. I hope she doesn't think I'm mad at her for wanting to go.

Because for me this is kind of a taste of my worst nightmare. What if I lost my wife? How am I going to shove the kids in public school and still work all my odd hours and be able to get along? Well, of course our family, friends and neighbors would be there to help and they are for sure these next two weeks. But if I let that thought creep in at all it's going to suck.

Not that I'm that worried about her safety. It's not like she's going somewhere where she'll have to dodge mortar fire and crowds of angry young men. The area they're in is largely Christian and the only people who really hate the Syrian refugees are their government and those guys have their hands full at the moment. So that's not it.

So the frame of mind I'm trying to get myself in is to take notice of every time I find a hole in my life where my wife should be. In our home, in our kitchen, with our kids, in the quiet late at night when it would normally be just us two. All those times have been put on notice. They're not allowed to make me sad. They're only allowed to make me get ready to appreciate my girl when she gets back. Those times are going to remind me to make life good for her when she's in my house again.

The last thing she did before she took off was to take her wedding ring off for safe keeping. I put it on a chain around my neck and that's where it's going to stay until I get the gem that came with it back.

Have fun babe. Love on people. Come home safe.