Sunday, February 28, 2010

My Cat Is The New VISA

Sully... he's everywhere you want to be. The little kitten we got for my daughter is now a hulking beast of a feline. And it's not so much that he's into mischief, he doesn't trash the place, it's that he's a thoroughbred bastard of a stalker.

I go to check on a sleeping child, he's there under the bed. A furry black paw lashes out and lands on my sock, claws ever so slightly extended as if to say, "I coulda, but I didn't". I flip up the skirt on the couch to look for the remote, out comes the paw. Pick up a basket of laundry, there he is, under the last two items deposited in it.

He's in the dryer. He's on the piano. He's behind the toilet. I opened a little used cabinet where we keep the computer paper last night and there his fat ass was, perched right on top of it. I tried to just get a few sheets and not disturb him but he was after me with both paws like a furry little ninja!

And to top it all off this cat sometimes craves affection and will absolutely not be stopped until all eighteen pounds of him is perched on somebody's chest. Aside from difficulty breathing the only other problem is that after about four good pats he stops purring and goes straight back into ninja mode, usually with teeth!

So it looks like it's time for me to reassert myself as the Alpha Male among the animal kingdom contingent at my house. Fear the boot, furry ones! Resistance is FUTILE!



Irish Gumbo said...

"When facing a rebellion in the provinces, the response must be swift, brutal and efficient."

That's from The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire" by Edward Gibbon.

Perhaps it should be required reading for the cat!

You should have a flag made up, and put "Resistance is Futile" on it, in Latin. Heh.

The Mister said...

I think I'll just write it in silver sharpie on the bottom of my boot. He'll be sure to read it often that way.

sherry said...

Cute story! Sounds like my cat! lol

Pamela said...

i hate that cat.