Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Lacking Eloquence

Yeah, lacking the words for once. Also lacking the energy. Contemplating infant mortality while evaluating one's self worth in a chosen field while struggling under day job conditions that are at best tolerable really takes it out of a fella. I wish I had Irish Gumbo's eloquence when it comes to a head full of racing thoughts. I'm like a centrifuge.

Love is the pill though, the one that's suppressing the shakes and keeping me off the guard rail. My kids are getting really good at expressing it, and I'm finally learning how to see it in less obvious ways from them. The Missus isn't exactly a greeting card, but love from her is like a force of nature. And I've got some friends who give me a good dose. Voicemail, texts, e-mails, the occasional hug, a prayer or two, and... their simple presence. Nothin' says lovin' like just being there.

I wish I had time for a hobby. Even blogging and keeping up with blogs is getting to be too much at the moment. I scan, I don't comment much, I'm feeling kind of meh about the whole thing. I feel like there's some part of me that's observing all the discrete insanities of my life right now and that part's hobby is keeping tabs to see if I can remember everything I need to. (The safe money is on no)

In a way I'm slightly jealous of the "company men" of the fifties. Sign on as a young man, put in your thirty years. Get a watch and a pension, retire to an armchair or the bocce court. Naaaaaaah! Those guys were probably bored as shit!

Ah well, a couple things got canceled this weekend and a couple things popped up to do with the Fam. Maybe I can find an hour or two to just veg with a book and listen to the carpet grow. Probably not, we got a garden to plant. But at least I'll have a chance to learn how to interpret getting kicked in the nuggets as a form of love from my children. It's good to be loved (cringe).

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2 comments:

mo.stoneskin said...

I got kicked in the gonads by my bubba the other week. You would think that a 7 month baby wouldn't be able to do that much damage, wouln't you?!

Jim Styro said...

Far be it from me to contradict - but I'd say you're registering pretty high up on the ole Eloquencometer (as an A/V guy you should be familiar with that device). Keep the faith - and remember that the glass is at least half-full (maybe three-quarters).
You already know the most important thing of all:
it IS good to be loved.