Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Green With...

I got a call from The Missus today shortly after I got out of work. She was asking what my plans were like for the afternoon. Just had to cash a check and head home. Good. She sounded tired. When I got home I found out I was tired too. Two weeks of CPAP haven't quite kicked the ass of the ol' sleep apnea and I'm still pretty worn from the last year or so of my life. I passed out on the couch for an hour.

I got woken up by my wife telling me we should talk about dinner. I fell back asleep and got woken up by a text message stating, "What I really want is Chinese." (Our phones don't have italics but I could feel the emphasis.) It got the juices flowing and I asked if we had the resources to accomplish such a thing.

It turns out that we did, and our order was large enough to score us the free order of Chinese biscuits, aka DONUTS! Despite the sumptuous fare the Short People were still cranky about eating. Meh. Whatever. We were mowing down some spicy goodness and that was all that mattered. Sometimes a few dollars squandered in the midst of hard times are all it takes to make you feel like royalty.

Two hours later The Missus had sworn off Chinese until after the blessed event. Apparently the baby doesn't like it that much. We'll have to have a talk with him after he gets here. Seriously though, I think an embargo against China isn't going to be all that big a deal. Broccoli cooked in a wok should be labeled as a weapon. Weather biological or gaseous I'm not sure. One thing that is for sure though is that this family reeks after diggin' some Chinese. I feel sorry for poor J-Man on the top bunk, he's surely getting the worst of it. Even the cats cut and ran for the great outdoors.

Anyway, that's the sad, sad tale I have to tell about dinner this evening. Hopefully you and yours are eating (and breathing) well tonight. As for me and mine, we'll be sleeping with the windows open. One eye open as well so as not to fall victim to the deadly Dutch Oven. I'll have to write a letter of thanks to the smarty pants who included a micro-fiber filter on my breathalizer.*

* One of the many nicknames I have been considering for my CPAP machine. For those of you who don't know, it blows a steady stream of air in my face to keep me well oxygenated throughout the night, even when I stop breathing. I'm casting around for alternate terminology because no matter how much I think about it, CPAP still sounds like something that ought to only be uttered within the confines of the OB/GYN's office. Any suggestions are welcome. So far I've got:
  • Breathalizer
  • Snorkel
  • Nose Nozzle
  • Huffer
  • Daddy's Little Helper
Several of those sound like drugs or drug parephernalia so I think I'm still searching for just the right balance of silly and medical-sounding.


1 comment:

mo.stoneskin said...

Struggling to think of a better name. You could use cowguy's word - call it the schwinklizer (or was it schwonk? On my phone so can't really check easily)

Resources are thin here too, we are having a lot of homemade vegetable soups, tasty but boy do they make the family (myself included) fart like a flock of sheep.