Monday, January 12, 2009

Contradictions

I suckered some new readers in by way of singing the praises of Irish Gumbo and now I've got to deliver the goods. I usually just do family stuff on this blog but I'm here and you're here so let's just go with that, shall we?

My mind is reeling with contradictions today. Let me start by saying that I got the first truly good night's sleep I've had in years last night. I went to a sleep center to analyze my sleep apnea and spent the wee hours wearing a couple dozen electrodes in a strange bed. Add to this the fact that I had some scuba gear strapped to my schnoz, shooting compressed air into my melon.

Turns out that's just what the doctor ordered. Apart from having a bit of a time keeping my mouth closed it was great. Now my little brain is free to dream all it wants and I actually wake up rested in the morning. The contradiction involved here was the (un)balance between how much I have to do and want to do it, and how little motivation I can actually muster to the task. Now I'll get a little air pump on my night stand and nix fatigue and snoring all in one swell foop. My guess is that The Missus will start sleeping better too now that I'm going to stop sawing logs.

Cross off contradiction number one.

The second one involves the Short People. I'm constantly dumbfounded by how much I love those guys and how much they piss me off. Black Hockey Jesus said something to the effect of the root of love being spite. I guess it goes back to hurting the ones you love. In my case it's more than just the disobedience and the yelling, bedtime actually involves rather a lot of me getting kicked in the face lately.

OK, so the little ones are inside the perimeter of my defenses and therefore more easily able to wound me. I think the key to this one is remembering that despite all their intelligence, they're still only partially formed. The self discipline that is so crucial to love hasn't come to fruition in them yet. Putting myself last is still one of the most difficult things I do and I ought not to get so ticked off at people who are having the same problem. Especially when I've had a chance to develop a taste for bourbon coping skills and theirs run more toward wailing and hugging that special blanket.

Cross off numba two.

The third thing rattling around in my skull is the vast gulf between my faith and some of the elements of my life. How can it be that I love Jesus and Motörhead too? Someone from church put it into perspective for me recently. He told me he was impressed with The Missus and me, how we were God's people and our own people too. I'm finding that more and more my generation is the one that's getting the hang of being "in the world but not of it".

I've always been kind of disgusted by church folk. Excepting the ones I grew up with and a very few others I always feel like after I've been around them I need to wash. That kind of smarmy, putting on a fake exterior is exactly the kind of faith that my generation is going to call bullshit on. As a result I've found myself talking about may faith at metal shows and in bars to people who would never have had anything to do with God. Without getting too deep into it, my line has always been, "If it sucked I wouldn't do it!". And so, my love of Motörhead, my encyclopedic knowledge of Cypress Hill lyrics and my leather jacket have allowed me to be a tiny light in some pretty dark places.

Cross off numero tres.

And I think that's about enough for now. Kind of a lot to cram in between putting the Short People to bed and doing the dishes, but hey... this is the first time in half a decade that I haven't been propping my eyelids open at this hour of the day. Thanks to all for stopping by. Hope to see you around and I'll be dropping by your places soon as well. G'nite.

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7 comments:

Irish Gumbo said...

Pssst.
Hey. Over here.
It's me, uh, you know who.

I hope you can shine a little of that light over here.

I'm...um...well, I'm a little stuck here in the weeds and I need a little help in getting out .

This is a good post, especially contradiction #3. I needed to hear that.

that girl said...

Oh Mister, that was great. Me too - number 3. I have that same sort of contradiction in my life..but I think it's more of a percieved contradiction than a real one. And yes, I think our generation of Christians will help change the face..the rest of the world seems to have been pretty alienated and offended by that old face anyway.

Also, I want to say..I don't consider you knowing Cypress Hill word for word is any more or less of a 'sin' than some old lady judging the new single mom in the back row.

this was really good dear.

ChurchPunkMom said...

dude, i got five gremlins mahself, so you know i know what you mean on numba 2. ;)

and, well, it's pretty obvious where i stand on number 3. however! J and I made a choice some years ago to give up our love for secular music. we realized that there were so darn many GOOD Christian artists out there that were so much more deserving of our dollars than those who would likely squander it on drugs and booze.. we knew we could find music to suit our tastes without making us wish we weren't financially contribute to so much corruption.. but, ya know. still hard to avoid when you start to consider movies, and tv, and other such things..

rambly, mambly, i am today. don't mind me my brain is scrambly.

in this world but not of it. so true. walking dead, we are. ;)

The Mister said...

I went through getting rid of all my secular music. Then I went through trying to find Christian stuff. The book store near me has a machine that you type in the name of a secular band and it gives you bands that sound like them. It sucked.

I'm pretty picky about my music. I also don't look very hard. I've found a few by accident like FFF and As I Lay Dying. But for a guy in the industry, it's pretty hard to get away from any sort of music.

I think the difference now is that music isn't my religion. God is in his rightful place in my life and I'm not seeking spiritual sustenance from what's in my CD player.

My side mission in all this is to be proactive about making better Christian music. At this stage that mostly means doing sound work for my friends' bands and that's been no small contribution. Someday though, I will make pounding metal that glorifies God and is every bit as good as the bands I used to worship. (Good metal takes time though. It's going to be a little before I get to that.)

ChurchPunkMom said...

It is hard to find the *good* Christian music, it took us a couple years (at least) before we *really* got ourselves immersed and were excited about what we'd found.

But yes, letting God have his rightful place in our hearts and not allowing music to take that place as our spiritual food, is really the key.

For J and I, music still is a big part of our spiritual food - so we realized that we needed to make sure we were getting good food and not junk food. :)

God speaks to us all in very different ways. :)

bARE-eYED sUN said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bARE-eYED sUN said...

hey Mister, contradiction#3 is no problemo in my life, such as it is.

snoring has put a damper on my love life though.

i do love how you string words together, i had fun reading.

thanks.