Monday, August 4, 2008

Bedtime Shenanigans

I was thinking about how I spend the hours of my day as I sprawled exhausted on my couch this evening. Bedtime for the short people is third on the list behind work and sleep. If we pull it off in under two hours we consider it a raging success. Even though it's never the same trip twice, there's a few things you can count on along the way.

First, the washing. Tubby Time can run anywhere from five minutes to half an hour. The boys often tub together and Sis plays PBSKids on the computer. The boys are actually a pretty easy wash, but you have to keep a close eye on the baby, and what kind of toys go in the tub because that guy loves him some bath wather. He will sip, gulp, gurgle, dump and pour that stuff down his gullet like a college sophomore at a keg party. It doesn't seem to matter to him in the least that this is water containing the accumulated sludge from two small children, that actually seems to be a plus for him. I imagine if he had the vocabulary he could give quite the coneseur's review of the beverage. Then it's Sis' turn, which is very much like trying to put a cat in the bathtub but with more yowling and cat's don't plead their case quite as well, "But I had a bath TWO DAYS AGO!!!"

Then little H-Bomb get's pretty much unceremoniously dumped in his cribby with a bink and his most favorite Moosie. At this point he also requires at least a five minute game of Stinky Feet so he can get his laugh on real good and tumble off to dream land. Lately he likes it better if we play Sweet Feet instead, either because he enjoys the rhyming or because he appreciates the deep irony of he feet smelling good, we're not sure.

Then J-Man has to be herded in to bed, and herded into bed, and herded into bed, and herded into bed. Usually he's pretty good about the first getting-into-bed of the night though, and we say a quick prayer for him and get the heck out of there so H-Bomb can drift off to visions of sugar plums.

Then Sis get's read several thousand three short stories or War and Peace one chapter of a longer book. This used to be a rather pleasant, low impact sort of activity. Lately there's been a lot of fidgeting and flopping and sticking of toes in my sore muscles, and sweating on me. Not so much the snuggly good time it was last winter, but hey, reading is fundamental and shit so we have us our literary experience nightly.

During all this J-Man get's out of bed 3.42 x 103422039482820 times and does one of the following:

  • Visits The Missus at the computer to "tell you a question.... uuuuummmmmm..."
  • Wanders into Sis' room to break play with something that is the most precious thing in all the world to her.
  • Wanders into the bathroom to break get a glass of water.
  • Wanders somewhere else in the house to break or knock over something because he is actually asleep but refuses to admit it.
  • Stands in the hall emitting an inarticulate wail to the effect of bedtime is so unfair.
  • Wanders down the street to look for us because he forgot we were in the house because he is actually asleep and refuses to admit it.
  • Shakes the baby's crib shouting, "WAKE UP!" because he prefers to have company at bedtime.
  • Wanders into the garden and just stands there with a blanket over his head because... well... we're not sure why he does this.
Then we say a long and drawn out prayer for Sis while she either pays no attention, talks continuously, or interjects constantly. We usually finish and she indignantly reminds us that we forgot the part about nobaddreams and then we remind her that we actually said it three times and she just missed it because she was talking.

Then there's usually another half hour to forty-five minutes of people getting out of bed, people crawling in other peoples' beds, giggling, playing, breaking things, and all manner of other shennanigans, the list goes on and on. Then there's the crying, screaming, begging and pleading, but The Missus and I are trying to work on toning that down.

Then we have 4.5 seconds of grownuptime, I wash the dishes, The Missus does her blog thing, we kiss, and flop into bed.

The End


'That Girl' said...

Oh my gosh! I think I have the male version of Miss O.. I cannot read, pray, talk, sing without him CONSTANTLY interjecting! And then he's all spaced out or something during the parts that really matter to him! Too funny! And our little 2yr old does that whole up/down thing about a million times. He has no fear. He gets up and just wanders around. I'm scared to death one night I'll fall asleep before he does and out the door he'll go.

airbeds comfort said...

Wow, thats quite the handful you have! I gotta say, I'm glad I have no trouble with bath time. My kids love it, and the only real trouble I occasionally have is they don't want it to end! They love playing with their toys in the bath right before bed, its so funny. :)

Flo & Jeanette said...

Thank you very much for this post. I'm glad to see that I am not so alone.