At any rate, this week was full of the boss alternating between buttering me up and berating me. I've never been under such a heavy guilt trip before in my life. This is after I had told him a month ago that I was thinking of leaving, then gave my two weeks notice. (Most guys that leave the crew just don't show up one morning and turn their cell phones off.)
Despite his near continuous contradictions I still fell pray to his guilt trip. I tried to explain myself to him half a dozen times, but the way he talks I get the impression that he doesn't really listen to himself and I'm positive he doesn't listen to me. Yet I was still laboring under this guilt trip that all the work he's been lining up was taken on my behalf and I couldn't possibly walk away.
Enough about the boss. As it turns out, he's the only person on the face of the earth who thinks I should still be working there. All the guys on the crew have said that they wonder why I keep coming in. Every one of them had mentioned that they noticed that I haven't been myself and every one of them made an attempt to cheer me up. If not for those gestures I would have cracked for sure. My family and friends in the neighborhood were equally baffled at my continued attendance.
I finally sat down after church with my wife and the deacon who is a close friend of the family and worked over all the details. Nothing was said that hadn't been said before but somehow, in the quiet of our sanctuary it finally all sank in. We prayed for God to direct me what to do, and for me to be patient and listen.
As the day wore on it slowly started to sink in that what I want most, to not go in to work this week, can totally happen. Agreeing to stay while under all that pressure was no kind of agreement at all, it was pure manipulation. Ever so slowly the terror that's gripped me about the situation for the last few weeks started to melt away. I actually spent the entire day of work on Friday shaking from it. The last little tremor ceased when I went to talk with my Dad about it.
I'm finally free.
I'm going to get up at the usual time on Tuesday (Monday's Labor Day for those reading this far in the future) and get in my truck and go somewhere. I'm going to turn off my phone and just go run some errands. If he wants to come to my house and scream, it'll be empty. My wife is taking the kids out and we'll meet up in town for some fun together.
He's had an electrician on staff all summer that was ready, willing and able to wire his barn for him. Instead I've spent two months killing myself with all the other bull work that was going on. Now it's the last minute and the wiring is